I’ve been out of the food blogging scene for a hot minute due to a myriad of reasons like work sucking my soul and preventing me from achieving greatness, but hey, I’m back! I decided to restart Gourmand by going back to Europe and celebrating Putin’s motherland. Full disclosure, for reasons attributable to my Colombian / Honduran upbringing I just haven’t had great experiences with Eastern European cuisine. My palate just says NAH when it comes to cabbage and anything pickled. Ultimately, yes I’m open minded (Christ. I even ate a fertilized duck embryo for the sake of authenticity), but biased nonetheless against cuisines that don’t use rice as the main carb. Potatoes just don’t do it for me.
My husband and I stopped by this past Friday at Mari Vanna. Mari Vanna is a cozy and very authentic Russian joint in Flat Iron. I read the overwhelmingly positive Yelp and Open Table reviews and was excited until I stumbled upon this.
LOL WUT.
Ladies and gentlemen this is Schuba, also known as “Herring under a Fur Coat”. Not gonna lie, the name alone kind of creeped me out. I had so many questions. Like…. why is this under the salad section, where are the greens? What the fuck is the “fur”? Google quickly instructed me that this layered “salad” is composed of diced salted herring and a concoction of other things. The herring salad is a staple in countries like Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, and it is served at special events. In anticipation, I also sent my Eastern European friend the menu asking him to help me pick traditional Russian foods. This dude did not qualm my apprehensions when he described half the menu as “an acquired taste” but demanded that I try the herring as part of a true Russian culinary experience.
Mari Vanna view from the inside
We arrived at Mari Vanna this Friday for dinner. We had to ring an old doorbell to get into the restaurant. Mari Vanna is best described as adorable; the decor is reminiscent of a Russian doll house, although I still don’t understand why there’s an embalmed ferret just chilling in one of the bathrooms.
I think the best sign that I had made a good restaurant selection was upon realizing that 80% of the patrons were these young and hip looking Russians. Authenticity. Check.
Embalmed rat just chillin’
I told the waitress this was our first Russian dining experience, but that I had done my homework. I was delighted she approved of all of my choices and walked us through the drink list. Was there ever any doubt we would get anything other than vodka? Mari Vanna has a long list of homemade infused vodkas with some delicious (Pomegranate, honey) , and some questionable (Garlic, Pickles). For the first time since I’ve been conducting this food project, I walked out of an establishment visibly drunk. I felt very much like Frank Underwood in season 3 when he invited over the Russian prez for dinner, thinking it would be a pleasant evening, but just ended up getting bombed. I had this marshmallow vodka cocktail to start, delicious, but a bit too sweet for my own preference, I subsequently followed it up with a pomegranate vodka cocktail which can be easily described as the most exquisite vodka drink I’ve ever had.. and I’m typically a bourbon/gin girl. Hubs had a spicy vodka drink, with an obnoxious habanero right smack in the middle. To say that his drink had a kick was an understatement, but homeboy loved it and ended up ordering an additional two rounds. The table next to us ordered a flight of vodka shots, which in theory sounds like a good idea, but I quickly reminded myself that I’m no longer under the age of 25 and now suffer from the dreaded two day adult hangover. When I saw the woman take one shot and do the obligatory face scrunch, I forgot about my momentary shot fomo and embraced my cocktails.
Infused Vodkas
Marshmellow vodka
To start we ordered the now famous Herring under a fur coat. I think I had hyped it up so much in my head, that once it came a couple of things stood out
Herring under a fur coat
1) Visually beautiful, just look at that violet! 2) Not that bad. Best described as egg salad with veggies and fish. I really really tried to be into herring, but it’s just not gonna happen, too salty, too fishy, aint gonna work. The eggs are what makes the dish delicious, while also neutralizing the potent herring. Stephan loved it and finished the whole plate, apparently he’s an egg salad kind of guy.
Our second appetizer was the veal Pelmeni. Every country has their version of a dumpling, and this is Russia’s. I could’ve eaten about 40 of these badboys without hesitation. So delicious, steamed, and savory. YUM.
Veal Pelmeni
Our soup came next, which was a fantastic Borsht, AKA RUSSIA’s CULINARY TREASURE. Borscht is a beet soup, ours came with meat and veggies. This was a high point in the evening. The healthy factor alone helped me feel better about the copious amounts of alcohol we were consuming. The soup simultaneously sweet, sour, and, also light and refreshing. I don’t even like beets and I could’ve had a full bowl. So bomb, and inspiring me to make my own recipe now that winter is at our doorstep.
Then came the entree, and this is where they lost me. Beef stroganoff, which is as mainstream as it gets…. was just not my cup of tea.The mushroom aftertaste, just lingered for days, and the sauce was just underwhelming.
Beef Stroganoff, just meh.
For dessert we ordered chocolate cake, and were also given a complimentary puff pastry. Russia finished strong with the desserts. So freakin’ good. We ended up enjoying the puff pastry better than our actual dessert selection. We couldn’t finish it because at this point they were gonna have to roll me out of the restaurant.
Russia finished with a golden bow when they brought us complimentary cherry vodka shots to wrap up the evening. Russia is that friend that can go HAM, peer pressures you into drinks, and is perfectly fine the next day, while the rest of us mere mortals are questioning our life decisions puking in corner. I would go back to Mari Vanna in a heartbeat. Bottoms up.
Palate cleanser. Lulz.
Gourmand 